I am currently visiting family in Austria.

The house where I grew up belongs to my godparents. They are both 84 but you couldn't tell, they are healthy, young, active, funny and busy. Equally impressive, they have been married for 62 years.

Why is it so much less likely for couples to grow that old together these days?

And if I don't have what they have, does that mean that I can't be successful in love?

We live in times that are more complicated.

The women's empowerment movement hasn't helped to create stronger, more stable relationships. Sorry to say, but as we have become more independent, we also became less tolerant and accepting of bad behaviours!

And somehow, men seem to be less interested in curtseying a woman like they used to. Men generally have less discipline, less integrity, and don't want to do the hard work anymore to protect and provide. Equal rights after all...

Often, the female partner points out things that aren't working and the male partner resists. In the past, because of our economic situation, we had to suck it up or be patient. Now, we don't need to do that anymore. 

Maybe we could say that we are in a gigantic power reshuffle. We are researching how a more equal world could look like - and at the moment that is so challenging that most relationships fail.

One of the reasons why I didn't want to talk openly about my relationship challenges is because of the feelings that were underneath:

A painstaking feeling that I failed my partner. 

I failed to love him as much as I think he deserves to be loved. 

I failed at integrating the part of me that always had one foot out of the door.

I failed in my communication skills and my relationship skills.

I failed at embodying what I teach.

In short: I was terrified of feeling failure. 

And even worst, I was terrified off feeling that I am a failure. I was terrified that there might be something wrong with me. 

This story is the old story of separation.

It is the old story of relationships. 

This old story is based on the belief that being in a long-term relationship and growing old together is the only way love can be successful.

A few months ago, my partner and I had one of those huge fights where we both wanted to opt-out of the relationship in the middle of the fight. 

This was highly damaging to the relational foundation as it eroded trust and safety over time.

To stop repeating the same patterns, we needed to connect to our WHY.

- Why be in this relationship?

- Why we want to carry on?

- Why are we doing this?

Our relationship mentor asked us what the highest and deepest embodiment of love looked like for each of us individually. 

She encouraged us to meet the highest vision of ourselves to get clarity on what relational success looks like for each of us.

I didn't have the answer. So I took the question on a vision quest.

Imagine time in nature without any distractions.

     I spent most of the time naked.

             I bled on the earth.

                    I felt like getting in touch with something I had been percolating for years: the Archetype of the Highest Embodiment of Love and Eros.

There was so much love. There was so much wet and hot eros (because there was the river and the sun). Everything fell into place.

After that, she stayed in my body for good. I took her home with me - back to my relationship. 

Here is a video of my experience: 

Vision Quest for the Highest Embodiment of Love and Eros

With a fiercely devotional heart to love,

Bibi Gratzer

Tantric Relationship & Sex Coach 

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