From victim to creating the world you want to live in
Mar 24, 2025
From Victim to Creating the world you want to live in
I imagine living in a world in which we live in full awareness of our enormous power, and are honest about the part of us that gets off on growing through pain and challenges (instead of complaining about all these challenges).
This is a world in which we are aware that we are more than human - we are also soul.
The desires of a soul are very different from the desires of a human. Our human parts want to feel loved, want to feel safe, comfortable and happy. Our soul desires to know everything as love - including the challenges.
This is a world in which we have made shadow work a natural part of our personal development work.
When people ask me about my spiritual practice:
I love shadow work.
The shadow is the part of our unconscious that follows us wherever we go. It is the hidden. The unspoken. The unintegrated.
One of my favourite all time quotes is CG Jung's:
"I'd rather be whole than good."
He recognised that not everything about human nature is good, and that we can achieve wholeness once we stop denying our darkness. There are parts of us who like to dominate, control, and even harm others. There are parts of us who betray the person we love the most, or are jealous. Or parts of us that play small, self-sabotage, or are not committed.
The problem with shadows is that as long as they are unconscious, they have power over us. They leak out sideways even when we try and suppress them.
The good news: Shadows lose their power over us when we dare to look them in the eye - even the ugliest, darkest, scariest parts of us, and say: "Yes this is also part of my humanity, and loving this about myself makes me more whole than pretending or wishing this wasn't me."
One of the greatest shadows of humanity is the one of the victim archetype.
The victim is the voice in our heads that blames everything and everyone else for why we aren't getting what we want. We believe that we are a victim of our circumstances. It's a particular attitude towards life that we see all over the world right now in the face of systemic collapse. We disown any responsibility in what we are creating, especially when we have been harmed, rejected, disappointed, or abused.
The victim says: "I can't do anything about this.", "I am powerless", "I am not worthy of more", "I am not allowed", "Poor me", "Why me?", "Why does everyone else seem to have it better, but I don't."
Recognise that from anywhere?
Caroline Myss - The Victim (the power of archetypes))
It's a difficult nut to crack, especially if one has truly been a victim of abuse.
I have a strong victim shadow, and here is how it shows up in the shadow frequency:
- I have difficulties being honest with myself about my needs
- I have difficulties taking responsibility for my life; instead, I often waited for someone else to fill in the gap
- I want to be saved or rescued from my circumstances
- I often find myself in situations where I am extremely powerless such as extreme poverty, sexual abuse, etc. (like a self-fulfilling prophecy or a self-sabotaging mechanism)
- I have difficulties setting boundaries with others and really sticking to them, especially when doing so had (sometimes very extreme) consequences
- I blame or resent my partner
Now, how am I working on this especially in my most intimate relationship?
- Honesty
The transformation from victim to creating the world I want to live in, requires radical honesty with myself. What do I want to experience? What do I need to create that experience? And what action do I need to take to get it?
- Working on belief systems
It's a deep unrooting that we need to do individually and collectively to consciously choose the beliefs we hold dear. I work on changing beliefs in my 1-2-1 sessions, where I help my clients to fully embody beliefs, such as:
"I am worthy of having needs" "I deserve to demand this from myself and others" "I am allowed to live by my values"
- Owning our power
Our thoughts have impact. Our words are like spells. What are you focusing your attention on? This is more than just the law-of attraction new age woo woo. It is a matter of cause and effect. If you want to have a loving relationship / better sex, what are you doing on a daily basis to create that?
- Connecting with our soul essence
I believe that we have an existence that exists beyond this life time. In this realm, our mission is to come into the separation of the individual body so that we learn something here on Earth. Things like: How can I feel hurt / betrayed / challenged to the core, and yet still love my partner instead of declaring war between us?
I pray that something remembers your power to create the world you want to live in.
It may be uncomfortable at times to go through this transformation.
You may have some detachment work to do.
But you will get there.
How do you claim a very high mountain?
Step by step...
With a fiercely devotional heart to love,
Bibi Gratzer
Soul, Sex, and Relationship Coach
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